Don’t be guest in your own house after marriage

Ganesh Hegde
5 min readJul 7, 2019

Why women are feeling guest in their own house after marriage?. Oh!, wait, not limited to woman many handsome guys feeling the same.

I have interviewed many people who included both men and women. As usual, I started with the question

What are your expectations?

Some said he must be earning a good income, good physique like hunk man, property, assets, he should be tall with nice beards, etc. When it comes to guys it’s even more surprising they said she should be having a beautiful face, she should be very romantic, sexy some even said I like a non-working housewife.

Finally, I found one interesting young woman she was very clear, she answered me what matters after marriage and why. As usual, I asked her about expectations, her answers were quite interesting.

Question: How much your husband income should be?

Answer: I need a husband who can earn with income which is needed to fulfill our daily needs.

Question: What are your expectations about the husband?

Answer: He should be good.

I further asked her that good can be anything, what the criteria you consider one as good?

She politely replied:

Good means, who is understandable, loving and caring, most importantly honest and trustworthy. I can see many people expect luxury, property, great physic, beauty, and many other things but what if he has everything but not a good character. How can be happy without that? Good character is very important, though the person doesn’t look good, I am OK even if he has an average look. If he is good at heart and having good thoughts, we can adjust with him, but not the other way. This is where most of us are not thinking. But this is what matters to me most.

I asked her Is that enough?

She replied saying there is more:

The goodness means he shouldn’t have any bad habits, which includes over drinking, chain-smoking, weed, extramarital affairs. I am not restricting everything but one has to be in a limit and he should be knowing his limit. You asked about income I did not mention anything specific because though he is earning 5 digit salary if he is addicted to drugs, drinks and having extra affairs what's the use? no matter how much he earns we can’t be happy anymore. All the women who are asking other than this should think in these aspects, will they be just happy if the person is a handsome hunk and rich but If he is having extramarital affair, will they like?

Question: Well said, do you have anything specific about his future plans?

She smiled and replied:

Do you want me to become a guest in his house? Oh! Sorry!, Guest in my own house after marriage. If he has already had all future plans then everything is set where is space for my desires, where is the space for my decisions? I am just part of his plan. I want to feel like another home thereafter marriage. Though he doesn’t have future plans, together we can always make a better one.
Most of the women don’t think about these things, they need person everything ready later they feel bad for being guest in their own house, I don’t want to be one.

Question: What about your job? do you want to go for job after marriage?

Answer: Of course yes, I have got a degree if I don’t do the job what's the point in having them? why can’t I help him financially too? It doesn’t matter how much I earn or that guy earns it’s about helping each other. If I can’t manage both I know I can always stay at home.

Question: Looks like you might be thinking you can lead luxury life by doubling income.

Answer: Well, it’s not the matter of luxury life I want to be independent woman, not having the same attitude in mind, earning should not be the reason for my ego, but having thought of helping him. Luxury is in happiness not in things you buy. Is there any meaning to luxury life not having peace and happiness?

Question: So what is life according to you?

Answer: Finding happiness in what we are having and always try to do more, achieve more, try to increase your happiness. But remember when you increase your happiness you should be happy right now with what you are having. For example, be happy with what you are earning at the same time put effort on making it better. Have all the desires, try to get it, but don’t get frustrated while achieving all those, do it peacefully, do it calmly things will come to you its own way. You might have heard in the law of universe like attracts like. Happiness, Gratitude, Peace attracts even more such things. In this way, you can lead to luxury life with less effort. (Laugh!)

Question: Do you think materialistic things doesn’t matter?

Answer: Of course it does matter, but alone can’t bring any value. When a person is having those(materialistic things) with all my previous expectation then it would look cool. But you can’t have very high expectations, a person who is born rich learns less lesson about life. A person turns out to be good by his culture or his own life lessons. If I and my partner plan it well we can still earn a good income, we can be still rich. But the hard thing is changing one’s character after some age especially after teenage. So it does matter having a decent income and having thought of making it better in a peaceful way.

Question: You are saying together everywhere but what if he might not be having the same thought as you?

Answer: You questioned me and you got to know about me. If I ask a similar question to that person, won’t I get to know all these, but I agree he should be honest and truthful. At least I should get an honest answer to all my question.

Question: Don’t you think all these are theoretical and philosophical?

Answer: Have you questioned any women who are living in a good relationship? did you ask them the reason? you better to go and dig more about happiest couples, you may find a similar answer that they are already implementing it practically knowingly or unknowingly. Finally, just a suggestion don’t just stop it for happy couples, ask some couples who are fighting every day that “What mattered most to them before and after marriage?” hopefully you get better food for your article by digging into these.

I said thank you, She smiled and left.

This is just an interview with a young woman, but the same can be true for boys. Men also look for everything rather than thinking matters most. Most often we forget to ask about the most important things which matter to life in the long run. We ask everything else except this. We judge people by fat-lean, white-black, beauty-ugly. Is that the right way!?

It’s not man or woman, it's about togetherness, adjusting and compromising is all about marriage and good relationship.

Maintaining good relation is the responsibility of both!